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「ねえ、 今すぐ会いたいよ」
Friday, June 25, 2010  Innocence at 5:23 PM |
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 Life of Marshmallowians by ~Xingz Marshmallows are light, soft, sweet, and fluffy. If someone was to describe a person as a marshmallow, I would clearly think "innocent." I am no where near to something like that. I've done many things that I regret. Others portray me as someone shameful, I clearly cannot disagree. For the longest time of my life, I couldn't figure out what was bothering me. I was happy and content, yet by the end of the day I would feel empty and sorrow. Days and days, I've ignored this feeling, thinking it would fade away. I thought wrong. It didn't disappear. It stayed there like a leech, sucking out my soul. With no answer to this question, I continued to ignore this feeling. That is, until recently. I remember when I was a small child, I could barely speak. I did not communicate with others other than my brother and/or grandparents. If I was asked a question, I would not say a word but I would either just blink, nod, or shake my head. I lived my childhood like this. That is why I'm "shy" around many people. I was also malnourished. Even though the household I lived in was not poor, but rather wealthy, selfishness would always overpower pity and generosity. Living like this, I was told by my own brother to steal and lie. Since he's family, and my only friend, I could not decline. The thought of stealing for the first time made my chest pound endlessly. I could not simply say, "I'm sorry, can you please spare some bread? I have no money and I've been starving for days." Words never formed in my mouth, I could not speak, I was mute. Overtime, the guilt of doing such wrongdoings had vanished, it felt natural to commit crimes. It sank in my blood like poisonous ink from a tattoo. These memories from the past, I would remember them, they keep haunting me. It portrays who I am right now. I am nothing but someone shameful, I don't deserve anything but just a look of disgust. ---Nina |
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Name: Sora (원숭이)
